I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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