Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
