it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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