i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
