I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
