so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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