I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
