Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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