So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
