cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
