Sry I called you an 8
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
