I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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