I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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