Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
As shirtless as possible
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
