the condom got lost in my hair
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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