I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
