So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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