dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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