Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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