I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
