A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
