Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
