we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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