Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
