did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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