Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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