pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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