or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
