What a fucking waste of an outfit
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
my poor anus
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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