Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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