Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
