i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
