Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I licked your asshole in confidence.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
