You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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