i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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