I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
