I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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