We're like a lot better than the average bears
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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