is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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