dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
