If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
