U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
