I just saw a hot homeless man
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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