I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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