i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
