I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
