This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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