what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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