After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
