also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
