then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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