The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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