I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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