also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
