What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
