He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
