hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
